Official Fanfiction University of Bleach: One-Shot Edition
by G.N. Over-Kite
Summary: Credit goes to misscam, for the original "Official Fanfiction University" concept. Welcome. Please join us for a typical beginning of class. Here at Fanfiction University of Bleach, we pride ourselves in guiding misguided authors, and showing them the errors of their ways. Whether or not they actually learn anything, is up for debate. Why can't they stop staring at the faculty!
1. A Day of Male Bonding 101, Part One

**Author's Note: Welcome, everyone, to the Official Fanfiction University of Bleach! Of sorts… This is a one-shot, almost word-for-word from a PM conversation I had with ****Sariniste****. This fic would have taken place sometime after Chapter 52 of her hilarious fic, **_**Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors**_**, you should check it out! Not just for the context, I'm outright plugging her story, **_**it's so good!**_

**Just to clarify, this **_**won't**_** be a series, maybe… I have rushes of inspiration, and then nothing afterwards, it's rather a shame. _Edit 9/15/13_: Yeah, I'm going to take back that bit about this not being a series.**

**Rated T: for language, and just general weirdness.**

**Credit goes to ****misscam****, a.k.a, Camilla Sandman, for the original idea for Official Fanfiction University. Credit also goes to ****Sariniste ****for giving me the push to post this. This one's for you, Sari!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach in any way, shape or form. Bleach is the property of Tite Kubo. This is a non-profit fanwork. Anything referenced from other properties also do not belong to me.**

**Original post date: 9/10/13**

**Edited post date: 9/15/13**

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Chapter 1: A Day of Male Bonding: part 1

The classroom was bustling with activity, anxious to know what would be taught, here at Male Bonding 101. Despite the disappointment that Captain Hitsugaya had given some of them, the students were very excited at the prospect of super-mega-hottie Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez showing them what men REALLY do with one another.

"Oh my kami, I still can't believe that we're even here!" "I can't believe that I'm here, with characters from my FAVORITE anime, **BLEACH**!" "What rock have you been living under? Stuff has happened in the manga, too!" "All the guys are so _hot_..." "When is Gin coming to teach us something?"

As you can see, all of these Bleach fans can't wait to meet and greet the faculty.

"Can I have spiritual powers, too? I want to have super-Bankai, and make Byakuya be my fukutaichou!" "It's LIEUTENANT! You're speaking **ENGLISH!**" "What do _you_ know? Rukia is, like, the most super kawaii shinigami ever! If I was a guy, I would do her!" "Nuh-uh, Orihime's the cutest! Why else would she be the best girl for Ichigo?" "Ichigo's so boring. He's probably secretly a Bount, too." "Are the movies canon? Kokuto is the most badass one-shot character, ever!" "Why the fuck does Arturo Plateado's dub voice sound so much like a stereotype?" "If Grimmkitty's here, does that mean the Espada are also here, too?!" "Ew, half of them aren't cool. Almost all of them are dead, too." "Is Ulquiorra here? HE'S the best one to claim Orihime's heart. **THE HEART**."

Oh boy, can we please have a scene change? _PLEASE!_

* * *

Outside the classroom door, Nanao Ise was finishing up drilling Ichigo Kurosaki with his lesson plan, in the hopes that he can win the students over with common sense.

"So, let me get this straight... You want ME to go in _there_..." Ichigo said, grimacing and pointing to the classroom in disbelief.

Nanao adjusted her glasses and responded, "Yes, you are one of, if not, the most shipped person in this show. You need to get it through their heads that the men do _NOT_ always bond with each other in that way." She let out a sigh in frustration, "Whether or not they want to believe it, at least make sure they understand that you guys don't always want to get under another's hakama all the time."

Ichigo had an incredulous look on his face, "How do you even know o-"

"Out of my way, Soul Reapers!" Grimmjow shouted, as he knocked Ichigo aside, with his hands half-hidden in his pockets while he strolled along. Nanao was quick to get out the way as Ichigo tumbled to the floor. The Espada turned around to face them, his back to the door, and glared at them both as he heard the squees coming from the other side.

Nanao got the first word in, "Ah, Mister Jaggerj- Jaguarjin- mmm... Mister Six! Thank you for giving us some assistance with this matter! You are a valuable asset to the team!" she said, reading from a sheet she had prepared. She continued, "Of course, we would also like to thank you for your input in the best-selling letter collection, Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors, by Sariniste! We wouldn't be here today, if it weren't for her!".

Grimmjow scowled in disgust. That was one more person to visit on his revenge list. He took one step forward and addressed his coworkers, "Don't think I'll forget this! I'd show you right now, which of us is the strongest, if it weren't for that writhing mass of humans waiting for me inside that door." The Sexta said, turning back towards the classroom door, and then started to _walk off to the side!_ Ichigo noticed his apparent escape, "Hey wait, where are you goi-"

The Espada kicked a hole through the side of the classroom, ignoring the door that was right there, and ignoring a student who had done up his hair like the Espada currently stepping on him. With his entrance, the class of fanboys and fangirls whooped and hollered excitedly at their teacher. Not even caring _one _bit, Grimmjow made his way to behind the front desk, where all manners of clothing were being thrown there by his fans. None of them were new... "All right, you bastards. Class is in session! I'm here to show you how-"

"Grimmkitty, I love you!"

As soon as he heard those words, Grimmjow reared back and punched straight through the desk in front of him, looking furious as he stood up and said, "All right, who the _FUCK_ said that?!" The class became deathly silent. It seems that their love and adoration is lost when it comes to the violent Hollow standing in front of them. "That's better. If you know what's good for you, you won't do it again." Grimmjow turned around to the blackboard behind him, and began to write in chalk. "Now, class, the name of your King is spelled-"

"Haaa-ahh~"

He had heard an audible collective sigh from behind him. Many of the female students (and some of the males) had also been gazing dreamily at his..."lower back region", as you will. It was clothed, don't think too dirty now... Grimmjow scowled hard, baring his teeth in anger at the hapless students. "Where were you looking just now?" He said, turning his head _slowly_ towards them. After not even waiting a second for an answer, he completely turns himself toward the students and raises his voice at them, "I said, Where Were YOU _LOOKING_?!" he shouted, charging up a deadly Cero in his right hand!

Nanao and Ichigo were quick to restrain him, as he no longer can be considered "calm" around the students. They had a LONG semester ahead of them...

* * *

**A/N: So yeah, there you go! That's what I did. Keep in mind; this is a one-shot, currently. I just don't want to unintentionally string anyone along if they want more.**

**_Edit 9/15/13_: So, this will expand, thanks to the inspiring words of my reviewers! Thanks, you guys!**

**Once again, big thanks and original credit goes to ****Sariniste**** and ****misscam****, respectively. I couldn't let this idea just sit there!**

**Please R&R. Thank you!**


	2. Aptitude & Placement Exam

**Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Welcome to another installment of the Official Fanfiction University of Bleach! So, positive feedback! I was inspired by ****Sariniste**** and my first reviewer, ****Tsumi****Tsukiko, to continue! I have ideas in the works for this fic. My story will be more about one-shots, rather than follow an established timeline.**

**This is the part which will start to separate me and ****Sariniste's**** OFUBs, as this and the last chapter here used Sari's OFUB as a starting point. I will also diverge from the format of the original idea. Oh…!**

**Credit for the original idea of "Official Fanfiction University" belongs to ****misscam****, a.k.a, Camilla Sandman.**

**Credit for me doing this goes to Sariniste. If Bleach shipping is your thing, visit her profile for many of these stories. I recommend **_**Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors**_**. She doesn't need **_**my**_** help in plugging her awesome story, but I probably won't stop unless she wanted me to stop. I imagine I will credit these two every chapter, as I should.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach in any way, shape, or form. Bleach is the property of Tite Kubo. This is a non-profit fanwork. Anything referenced from other properties also do not belong to me.**

**Rated T for language, suggestive themes, and being pissed off.**

**Enjoy the new chapter! Please Read & Review!**

**Original Post Date: 9/15/13**

**Edited Post Date: 9/24/13**

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Chapter 2: Aptitude & Placement Exam

Toshiro Hitsugaya stood before his class looking very pissed. Despite the many countermeasures taken by the Thirteen Court Guard Squads (Gotei 13, if you prefer), the sheer force of the fans rushing in overwhelmed the defenses, leaving the young Captain at the mercy of a current of overzealous admirers. It took many restraining techniques to subdue them, and an extended effort to extract Captain Hitsugaya from their clutches without resorting to cutting the students up.

And so, Toshiro stands before them all bandaged together. Even his _scarf_ looked like it had broken all of its bones. His class, like most of the student body, consisted of mostly of young, teenage girls and some boys, but there was definitely variety to be found in every class. There were also many who appeared to be in college, many who identified as being parents, and children who had _no_ idea what they were doing here in the first place! This is, of course, the whole reason this class is here. To sort them by differing strengths and weaknesses, to assess their knowledge of the Bleach universe. Today is the day of—

The Official Fanfiction University of Bleach Aptitude and Placement Exam. (The OFUBAPE, if you prefer. On second thought, don't.)

"Welcome, class. I'm sure many of you are _glad_ to see me like this…" Toshiro said to the room.

"Toshiro-kun, why do you have Kuchiki-san's scarf?" "I know I ship it…"

The young captain slammed both of his hands on his desk at the interruption. Surprisingly, his hands somehow managed to remain unscathed from the incident. "That's CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA! *clears throat*Anyway, that's the entire purpose of why we're here today. All of you are to take a test, to determine where you will take your classes here at this school." Captain Hitsugaya then produced a stack of paper from his desk. The classroom groaned as soon as they saw it. "Needless to say, we will _not_ tolerate dishonesty and cheating. There is no fast track out of here, and you are not guaranteed a certain class if you try to play favorites. We certainly won't."

The class groaned again, at this spoilsport of a fan favorite. A test on the first day of school certainly won't endear him to many new fans, but most of the ladies here don't care, he's just so cool and dreamy~. Little did they know, things will only get worse before they get better.

"Oh, CAAAP-taaaain!" A drunken, jovial voice had made its way into the classroom. The door was kicked open by a certain busty Lieutenant. With every step, many of the students could only stare, as Rangiku Matsumoto practically jiggled her way into the room. Many students, mostly male, were blushing brightly at her, others shared the same feelings as the Captain did, indifferent frustration.

"Matsumoto, what are you doing here? Don't you have a class to be testing?" said Toshiro.

Rangiku placed her hands on her hips, as if she was feeling proud of herself. "I already took care of it, Captain! I just got Hisagi to do it for me! Ehehehe." She said, swaying in place. In the distance, you can hear a classroom in chaos; swear words being the clearest thing you can hear.

Toshiro was unimpressed. "Oh, come off it, Matsumoto. You're never _really_ drunk."

Rangiku's eyes grew wide open, like she had an epiphany. "Oh yeah, you're right! I should go and do so, like, right now."

"Hold it right there, Matsumoto!" She indeed stopped in her tracks, "Every faculty member is expected to be productive here. If you shirk your duties again, it would only make Squad 10's reputation even worse!" Toshiro exclaimed in frustration.

"Awww, sounds like someone needs a hug!" Rangiku said, before instantly lunging for her Captain. Toshiro knew better, and Flash Stepped out of the way of the blonde bullet. She ended up face-down on the front desk. "Don't be silly, Captain! You should be nicer to these poor souls!" She turned to the class and winked at them, "Remember, class, if you're looking for some fun, don't be afraid to come find your Big Sister, Rangiku-chan!"

Toshiro raised an eyebrow at that last statement. "What's with the honorific, I thought we were speaking English?" His eyes widened at the implications, "In fact, how are we even able to talk like this to everyone here?! Not every student here hails from America or Japan!"

"That would be my doing."

Everyone in the class turned to see who came in the door. It wasn't a pleasant sight. The Head of Research & Development, and Captain of Squad 12, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, stood still in the doorway. Notably, he was wearing his first get-up from the Soul Society arc, the one with the sideways hat and the not-yellow teeth.

"I am here to inform you, that you are running _late_ in administering the Aptitude & Placement Exam." Mayuri said, putting emphasis on the word "late". The class collectively shivered at the presence of the second Captain, not out of Spiritual Pressure, but because of his reputation as a very shady scientist.

Rangiku sensed urgency from her beloved students, so she shifted back to her faux-drunken personality, and briskly walked up to Mayuri, raising a pointer finger up to his face. "Now look here, Captain, you are also here to play nice with these _wonderful_ students! They shouldn't have anything to fear from you!" The class was about to cheer loudly for their savior, when Rangiku proceeded to yank Mayuri's… ear lobe… dome, in order to drag him out.

The following spectacle made sure to keep everyone nice and quiet. As soon as his ear had been stretched, Mayuri's body began spinning wildly out of control! Rangiku had been taken by surprise, falling on her butt in response to the madness happening in front of her. You could hear mechanical whirring, as well as disgustingly fleshy noises coming from his body. His spinning form was starting to stain the nearby walls with unknown liquid, and the force was starting to dent and chip the door and walls.

After about half a minute, the whirlwind that was Mayuri Kurotsuchi had finally started to slow down. Everyone could only stare, as he finally took on another familiar form, the one from the Hueco Mundo arc. You know, the one with the blue mane, and the _veeery _yellow teeth. As the weird noises finally subsided, Mayuri only stood there, letting out a drawn-out sigh.

Everyone's eyes were wide open, unable to say anything. Rangiku tried to break the ice, "Uh, um… looking good, Captain Kurotsu—"

"Nemu!"

At his command, his lieutenant and clone-daughter, Nemu Kurotsuchi, had appeared and struck Rangiku in the neck with a karate chop. Rangiku had immediately fainted from the blow, and Nemu was quick to catch her, hoisting Rangiku up onto her shoulders.

"Take her back to her classroom, and relieve Lieutenant Hisagi of his post." Mayuri instructed, "Take over her duties until she regains consciousness. Failure will _not_ be tolerated." He continued, gesturing to Rangiku's prone body.

"Yes, Master Mayuri." Nemu complied with her captain's orders, and promptly made off.

Mayuri turned to the classroom and everybody flinched. He stared at them for a bit, before walking out of the classroom, mumbling something to himself as he did.

Toshiro had been quiet all this time. He had been startled the same as everybody else, but what he would say next wouldn't do much to calm everyone down.

"Well, that was something else. I'm going to hand out your exam, now. You have fifty minutes from now to complete all the questions you can. Everyone ready?"

The class kept their astonished expressions, as Captain Hitsugaya continued on like nothing happened.

* * *

The test had gone on as planned. By the time the test period had ended, almost everyone handed in their exam. After an additional wait for Toshiro to look the tests over, he then addressed the class, "Some of you show promise, but none of you aced the exam."

Many students were jolted from their idle chit-chat when Toshiro uttered those words.

Toshiro then waved a dismissive hand at the situation, "Don't worry, you all aren't going to be graded on this. I'm here to help, more than anything. I'm just going to list some common concerns, among other things." He picks up one of the exams. "Some of you seem to have circled Answer C for Question 2. Rukia did _not_ fall in love at first sight with Ichigo Kurosaki. Her giving him Soul Reaper powers was _not_ their "first time", and she did it out of acknowledging his resolve to protect his family.

Some of the students wilted at those words. Toshiro didn't really care. "Some of you have also taken to doodling messages of all kind on your exams. Any and all who have done so will automatically be enrolled in Captain Kuchiki's class of Proper Etiquette."

Many students screamed and squeed at that announcement. It took them a few minutes to realize that their teacher maintained a stoic expression, not amused with their antics. "If you think _I'm_ a killjoy, you're just going to love Byakuya's class." He said, flashing a knowing smile. Needless to say, no one was cheering.

"The answer for Question 7 was Answer A, Matsuri and Fujimaru Kudo. They are the playable protagonists for the third Nintendo DS game, Bleach:The 3rd Phantom. Not surprised not many of you played that one." Toshiro nonchalantly said. Most of the class was understandably confused from the subject matter.

"Now, for Question 18, an alarming number of you have put down answers that demonize Orihime Inoue, saying things like "useless", and "not worth Ichigo's time". We at Fanfiction University of Bleach will _not_ tolerate any instances of bullying. This is a serious issue. Should you harass anyone in such a manner, students, faculty, whomever, appropriate action will be taken." Toshiro said with his eyes narrowing at the class.

The class was silent again. A number of them appeared to be shaking in their seats. Whether or not it was those students who put down such answers, we will never know.

"Moving on to less serious issues, some of you seem to have answers throughout the exam that indicate you would be willing to cozy up to the likes of _Sosuke Aizen_ and his cronies. It seems that those individuals are _fine_ with the prospect of being gutted at best, or just downright devoured by an Arrancar." Toshiro said with not-so-subtle sarcasm lining his words.

Nope, this wasn't going to be fun at all!

"The answer to Question 26 was the Invading Army arc. All of you got this one right, I'm impressed. Many story elements from that arc, including the identity of the creator of Mod Souls, ran contradictory to established (or soon-to-be established) backstories and facts. You're not going to find many people who will like this one." Toshiro explained, with maybe a hint of pride.

For once, the entire classroom agreed with that one.

"For Questions 32-50, some of you displayed an outright lack of knowledge of events that transpired after the time-skip. I only have one answer for that, read a book." Toshiro said, holding up a two copies of Bleach, volumes 49 and 55, his other hand pinching his forehead. "That is why I look different; a few years had passed from that point. It stands to reason that people change their looks after some time."

The class was talking amongst themselves trying to process this new information. It was then the young Captain came to a realization, "Come to think of it, aren't we supposed to be in a state of emergency right now? The Seireitei was under attack!" Most of the class gasped at this turn of events. When did this happen?!

"Again, this was my doing."

Everyone turned to the door, but it had been closed. "I'm right here, you blithering morons!" Mayuri's face came up on the chalkboard, now magically a giant screen. He was wearing his _third_ outfit, the one after the time-skip, with the gold hair…helmet…thing… Mayuri cleared his throat as everyone noticed him. "As I was saying, the entirety of the school's grounds have been separated from the canon Bleach timeline, allowing various characters, dead or alive, to interact with the students."

Toshiro could only open and close his mouth, as he was trying to digest this new information. "H-How is that even possible?! W-w-what about the fact that the Seireitei should be gone, replaced with that Ice Palace, _Schatten Bereich_, or whatever?!" Everyone had a similar look of bewilderment, as most of them weren't privy to this fact, either.

"I don't have to answer that. You wouldn't understand it, anyway." Mayuri casually deflected the question.

"Oh, come on~. Couldn't you just lighten up for one second, Mayuri?"

Mayuri visibly tensed as soon as he heard those words. Turning to his left (everyone else's right), the camera panned to see…

"_Kisuke Urahara._ How glad I am to see you…" Indeed, Mayuri greeted his former authority with all the poison in the world. Kisuke was wheeling in another familiar package, as he made his way into Mayuri's classroom.

"Are you done meeting your fans, yet? My class on The Morality Ethics of the Soul Society starts in about twenty minutes, and I need this joker here to cooperate with me." Mr. Hat-and-Clogs said, gesturing to the strange package. It didn't take a genius to see _who_ it was he wheeled in. The fangirls let out a mighty scream, as they saw the sealed and restrained person that was Sosuke Aizen.

Aizen let out a content sigh, pleased with the fact that so many people were so foolish as to idolize him. "The only reason I agreed to this farce, was to show everyone the truth about our world, and to ensure my schemes continue to go as planned." Aizen said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh, would you listen to this kidder here?" Kisuke roughly struck Aizen across the back with what looked like friendly slaps. Of course, given that Aizen was still immortal, the slaps were actually strong enough to rearrange one's innards.

Mayuri had had enough. "All of you can do what you want! I'm returning to surveillance." With that he got out of there, ready to watch everyone, like he always does.

"Well, how about that? He couldn't handle the amount of intelligence in the room. Haha!" Kisuke said, fanning himself as he spoke.

Aizen just sat there. "It may have something to do with the fact that you acquired a bondage kink, if my imprisonment is any indication."

Kisuke had had enough. He lowered his hat at such a comparison, "I knew that method wasn't the best thing to do. Sure, it may have been the best way to seal your power, but… look at it!"

Some of the students were looking at him, all right. "I'm out, later, Toshiro." The transmission had ended.

The classroom was silent. They had just experienced enough weirdness for a lifetime. Toshiro had had enough. "All right, everybody out! Class is dismissed! You'll receive your homeroom and scheduled classes within the week, just GO!"

Thus, the first day had ended. The students quickly beat feet out of Captain Hitsugaya's classroom, mostly shaken from their true lack of understanding of this world. One thing is for sure, some of them will _still_ be shipping themselves with him in their dreams…

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**A/N: Oh yeah, another one done! This one kind of ran away from me here. As to my upload schedule, please don't expect anything regular. I have to have a thinking spree, and then put the ideas down somewhere. **_**Then,**_** I have to polish everything, and that might mean uprooting certain things, or just garbage-bin them.**

**I don't have anything specific in mind yet, but I will probably work on another Bleach story first. Hopefully, I can get the first chapter done by the time her fictional birthday rolls around. Still stumped? Look at my profile for the answer, it is right there.**

**Edit 9/24/13: Just tidied up some inconsistencies and made a little more sense with stuff.**

**Once again, please Read & Review! See you later!**


	3. Creativity in Fanfiction 101, Part One

**Author's Note:**** Hello, everyone! This is the third installment of the Official Fanfiction University of Bleach! This chapter ended up a little filled with story and non-class related stuff, but I think it turned out all right!**

**Original credit for "The Official Fanfiction University" idea goes to ****misscam****, aka Camilla Sandman.**

**Inspiration credit goes to ****Sariniste****, author of many fics, including one of my favorites, **_**Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors**_**. Read that one, instead of this! You know you want to~.**

**You still here? OK then, let's rock.**

**Please support both authors' endeavors in fanfiction and in life. Thank you.**

**Rated T for: ****language, disturbing imagery, suggestive themes, and perhaps a kink or two.**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Bleach. Bleach is owned, and is the intellectual property of Tite Kubo. This is a non-profit fanwork. I do not own anything referenced, as well.**

**Original Post Date: 9/24/13**

**Edit Post Date: 9/26/13 2nd Edit: 9/29/13**

* * *

Chapter 3: Creativity in Fanfiction 101: Let's Make An Original Character! Part 1

Also, a surprise lesson!

It was a pretty windy day at Fanfic U. of Bleach. Many students have lost their paperwork to the wind, and many have been excused from finishing their assignments, or at least given an extension. One teacher, however, didn't believe in such second chances.

Byakuya Kuchiki had lost a lot of cool points, when he declared that students will be given no amnesty for not being careful with their work. In a sense, he's correct, but you try telling him otherwise.

Today, due to his classes being cut short with students who "didn't take their responsibilities seriously", he is sitting in on Rukia's class. Needless to say, his policies go wherever he goes.

"But, Brother, it isn't their fault they couldn't turn in their homework." Rukia pleaded for her brother to cut her students a break. Byakuya took one look at his adoptive sister and she shrunk under his gaze.

"It is important for you, and everyone else, to know that whenever you are tasked with something, it is one's responsibility to ensure it gets done, or face the consequences." The 6th Squad Captain returned to looking at the class. When he first walked into the classroom, there were obviously fans whooping and hollering at him, however he paid it no mind. The few who had attended his previous classes were much less enthused to see him.

"Hmm, very well then." Rukia turned to her class and bowed in apology. "I'm sorry, everyone. I must uphold the standards that this school has set, and grade you accordingly. Please forgive me." Rukia's sincere apology had touched the hearts of almost every student present. The ones that weren't were only slightly humbled, as they still stubbornly hated on Rukia for "getting in Orihime's way", or some nonsense. As last chapter's Toshiro could tell you, that's no way to go about things.

Rukia had to shift gears; she has a class to teach! "Now then, everyone, I'd like to introduce you to my class, Creativity in Fanfiction 101! This is an easy and fun class, for the budding author!" Confetti rained from behind the younger Kuchiki, as she spread her arms in the air in celebration.

Byakuya once again raised an eyebrow at her. "Rukia, is that necessary?

Rukia then animatedly waved her hands in front of her, "No, no! This is a good thing! This is their first class with me, so I thought maybe a little something could liven up their moods!"

"Hmm, carry on." Byakuya was satisfied, for now.

Rukia let out a sigh in relief. "Okay! Now class, this first lesson is an easy one! How do you create an original character?"

Many hands shot upwards. "All right, I'll listen to a few of your answers, before moving on. Uh, you!" Rukia pointed to a pale girl with a strange headband of a leaf engraved on it.

"Mmmm, they need to have a sweet-ass zanpakuto!"

Rukia didn't look too happy with that answer, "Uh, no. That will come later. Anyone else?" She looked around and saw a man in a suit, clearly starting to grey. "You there, in the suit!"

The middle-aged man flashed an artificially-whitened grin at Rukia, "They have to have a _cool name_, like 'Rex Gunblaze' or 'Sam Steelhawk'!"

A drop of sweat can be seen on Rukia. "Well… we'll get to that a little later as well. Hmm, you in the… 'me' wig."

Indeed, it was a fan of Rukia's, who took to wearing a wig of Rukia's pre-time-skip hairstyle. She looked to be of senior high-school age, wearing a dark green jacket, and an unassumingly plain white T-shirt and khakis. "Hehe, you picked me, Rukia-sensei! I'm _so_ happy you noticed me~!" The young lady swooned, holding her hands to her face.

Most everyone was creeped out by the display of affection. Well, most of them. "Umm, please don't do that… Anyway, your answer, please?" Rukia carefully asked.

The fangirl blushed, "Well, it's no good if the OC isn't attractive! Almost everyone in Bleach is! Especially you, _Rukia-sensei~_" The fangirl clasped her hands together, and held them off the side of her head, smiling all the way.

Rukia was filled with a sense of dread, "L-let's not go off-topic, here_… Is this what they meant by having obsessed fans?_" she thought the last part to herself, clearly uncomfortable with what appeared to be advances on her student's part.

All this time, the elder Kuchiki stood by her in silence. This wasn't lost on Rukia. "Brother, WHY aren't you helping me?!" Rukia indignantly said, taking out her feelings on her unaffected brother.

Byakuya remained calm as he addressed his sister, "A noble accepts all manners of praise, while saying nothing. This lesson will prove useful for our time here, Rukia."

Rukia wasn't having any of it, "You're only saying that because you don't want to be seen snapping at the students again!" Rukia yelled, while pointing dramatically at her brother.

For a split-second, Byakuya's stoic expression faltered, his right eye twitching at the memory of his first day on the job.

* * *

He had cleverly deduced that people would recognize him better if he wore his ensemble from before the time-skip. You know, the one with the kenseiken separating his hair to one side, and the tremendously expensive windflower silk scarf. He knew that a good amount of students enrolled will not recognize that a time-skip even happened, or at least got bored or insulted halfway through the Lost Agent arc.

"…er."

His first class, like every other teacher, had been to administer the Official Fanfiction University of Bleach Aptitude and Placement Exam. (Or OFUBAPE, if you will…okay I'll stop.) After chastising many students after they got many answers wrong, such as Ichigo being a captain when he's _not_, people confusing the order of the Captains in ascending order, and suggesting that he and his lieutenant, Renji, go get a room and forget all his troubles, he made the simple mistake of _turning his back on his students._ All it took was one second, and the rabid fans were latching onto him faster than you can say "Bankai"! He had suffered the same fate that fellow Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya did: the destruction of his personal space.

"..r…er!"

Unfortunately, he couldn't pursue damages, because the University existed outside conventional means. Heck, it's based off of and takes place in a fictional world! Despite people claiming they were Bleach experts, no one had any _real_ clue of how things worked. They can't just be placed in any dangerous situation in his world, and expect to live, much less leave in one piece! Also, he couldn't get anything out of it because the students weren't worth even a _fraction_ of what his scarf was worth. Heck, the _entire University_ wasn't worth his scarf!

All it took was one Bakudo spell, and…!

"BROTHER!"

* * *

"…!" Byakuya had been startled out of his tragic flashback. The class had been staring at him for a good while, though not all of them did so out of worry…

"I… I need some air…" Byakuya held himself steady, as he slowly got up and left the classroom.

Rukia was worried; never had she seen her brother so distraught—

"You should follow him! Be there for what he _really _needs!" "Ew, they're practically siblings!" "But they're not _really_ related! Not by blood, at least…" "It's practically the same as Toshiro/Momo!" "Oh, don't you get me started on—"

The fans kept going on about things that didn't matter. Rukia was pissed. "That's ENOUGH!" The classroom became silent at her outburst, Rukia seething with anger at those who would pervert her motives, "Just what goes through you people's minds with this CRAP?! Half of you seem to hate me, and the other half wants to see me get intimate with people I'm only friends with! OR FAMILY! WHY?!" The students had plenty to worry about with their pint-sized teacher bearing down on them for their transgressions.

Little did they know that the unlikeliest of saviors will bail them out of the hole they dug for themselves.

"I believe _I_ can shed some light on said phenomenon."

Everyone stood at attention to the disembodied voice. No one came in through the door, the chalkboard didn't change into a screen, where could it—

"It's not comforting to know that I'm surrounded by idiots!"

As soon as the voice complained, steam was hissing from underneath Rukia's desk. The desk rose up from the floor, segments of it shifting out from its center, until the desk looked like it had been cut like sliced bread, its pieces all fanned out. A final hiss could be heard as a metal hatch opened, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Phase 2, arriving by elevator.

Rukia had her mouth gaping like a fish, "C-Captain Kurotsuchi! Just, just what is the meaning of this?"

Mayuri was staring ahead toward the class, scaring them shitless, not bothering to look back at Rukia. "As my position dictates, I am in charge of surveillance, ensuring that everyone is... safe and sound." said the Captain, not convincing anyone with those last words.

Rukia took to blinking a few times, "What? A-all right then, so why did you come out from under my classroom, Captain?"

Mayuri continued to stare forward at the students, themselves shaking in fear, "Oh? Didn't you want to know why these students are compelled to ship you with the Captain of Squad 6?" The demented Captain then grinned at the students the only way he knew how, like a madman. "Or am I just mistaken, and should find another way to waste my time?! Such as…"

The students _leapt_ from their seats, huddling by the far corner where the crazy captain hopefully won't notice them.

Rukia saw that her students were being threatened, and jumped in front of the captain. "Now, now wait just a minute! Captain Kurotsuchi, you can't possibly mean to experiment on the students! You're not allowed to do as you please!" Rukia crossed her forearms, as if to guard the class.

Mayuri looked down to Rukia, keeping his award-winning smile, "And just how do you expect to stop me, Lieutenant?"

Some of the students perked up at the mention of "Lieutenant".

"Wait, are you serious? She's a Vice-Captain, now?!" "YES! I knew you could do it!" "Did she get more powerful?" "Of course she would end up a fukutaichou! Was their ever any doubt?" "I _knew _you cared, Rukia-sensei!"

Many students began to cheer for Rukia to stand up for them against the science fiend! She looked back at them, their cheers bringing a warm smile to her face. "Thanks, guys! I'll protect you, I promise!" She turned to Mayuri, a cool resolve in her eyes, and readied to unsheathe her sword, "I'm sorry, Captain Kurotsuchi. If you won't listen to reason, I must see to it that you won't succeed here!"

The air began to cool down, a sign that Rukia was ready to release her zanpakuto.

Mayuri didn't budge, rather, his eyes narrowed at the short Soul Reaper in front of him. "Oh _really now? _And just how do you plan on stopping me? Your abilities are no match when it comes to my cunning mind. Your brother isn't here to prevent me from just taking what I want! How in blazes would you even-!"

"Hey wait, when _did_ she become a Lieutenant?" "During the Time-Skip, duh?" "Didn't she lose against some doll girl, or something?" "Weren't those Bounts? What are you talking about?" "Oh. Don't bring up the Fullbring arc with me, just don't..." "How is she going to save us _now?_" "Rukia-sensei, I believe in you!"

The atmosphere immediately became less oppressive, as both Soul Reapers looked at the class in astonishment. "C-Come on, guys! Don't do this now!" Rukia said, a little distressed at how suddenly they switched gears.

Mayuri's interest had piqued, but a look of uneasiness had taken hold of him ."I-interesting, they even turn on their supposed protection like it was nothing to them..."

* * *

The class had kept on protesting and letting their grievances be heard for a while now, almost all of them forgetting why they were even in a pickle in the first place.

"Uryu is a classic example of someone harboring hidden feelings for his rival!" "Has anyone ever noticed that the Seireitei... looks like a giant funnel cake?" "Why did they change Kenpachi's voice to Ragna the Bloodege's voice?! You hear him once, and then you know he's in everything, now!" "I don't think Renji and Tatsuki even met properly. Why are you saying that they're in love, all of a sudden?" "They're just in denial! Once Ichigo marries Rukia, there's no one left for him!" "It is Byakuya's destiny to love someone who looks like his late wife. This kind of thing happens all the time!" "Rukia-sensei, _please_ get me out of here..."

Rukia only looked on with a sense of despair, her class essentially talking their heads off on a whim. She hung her head, and turned to the scientist, "At least tell me what's going on with them..."

Mayuri's expression of glee had already changed to one of exasperation and noninterest. "*Sigh* Very well. It seems that I have misjudged the erratic nature of the subjects. I will do with observing them from afar..." He snapped his fingers, "Nemu!"

Not even a second from when he called for her, Nemu Kurotsuchi had surfaced through the floor on her own elevator, next to her Captain. A wooden floor that was not only without a hatch, but was covered with Mayuri's _metal _hatch.

"Ow…!" The assistant had taken to the floor as quickly as she had arrived.

Mayuri was not pleased, "What do you think you're doing, GET UP!" He had half a mind to punish his failure of an assistant right there for not doing her job, but he was also being carefully scrutinized by the faculty as to not be violent in front of the students.

Nemu immediately stood back up, taking the time to readjust her neck, which had been dislocated from the impact.

"EEEEWW!" "GROSS!" "That's nasty!" The student all repulsed at the sickening display. A few even blew chunks at the grisly scene.

Nemu had righted herself, and began to explain, "As our research can tell, in Bleach's country of origin of Japan, a type of characterization had been gaining popularity, basing itself on the popular 'childhood friend' archetype. This type of character would eventually reach its crescendo with a 'harem and comedy-drama' light novel being adapted into an animated series in the year 2010, the aptly-named runaway success, _There's No Way My Little Sister Can Be This Cute!_."

The class had made it back to their seats, taking in Nemu's impromptu lesson with raised eyebrows and other curious looks.

"The most popular girl in the running, was the protagonist's own sister, who kickstarted the plot with her brother finding an incestuous 'H-Game' hidden in another case which belonged to her. While this is a case of direct sibling romance, its popularity would prompt many others to make love interests who would identify as being siblings, or half-siblings. The question of whether or not they actually were was also played up."

The students were awestruck, and also a little disturbed at the subject matter.

"While such pairings did indeed exist before its time, with the example of the Bleach anime predating the 'OreImo' adaptation by six years, and Captain Byakuya Kuchiki being introduced and characterized early on in its lifespan, there's no doubt that 'OreImo' certainly had a hand in shaping impressionable minds as to the subject of theirs and others' objects of affection.

Most of the students were starting to grow bored, not because of the subject matter, but of Nemu's droning tone of voice, which only proved that there was something seriously wrong with her.

It was that she was_ created_ for the purpose of being a loyal, unflinching servant and assistant to one of the most capricious, unhinged individuals in all of modern anime and manga.

Nemu went on still, "There is also to take into account the sociology and living conditions of growing up in the average Japanese household. One would typically grow up only conversing with one's family, or immediate next-door neighbors—"

In an instant, Mayuri had grabbed the top of Nemu's head, and shoved her and her platform down the shaft from which she came. A shriek could be heard fading away for a few seconds, before the classroom felt the tremor from the distant collision with the bottom.

Mayuri was grumbling to himself, "I can't believe I was made to waste so much of my precious time and resources into teaching these insipid… My intelligence had surely dropped from just hearing them-" as he descended down his elevator shaft as well, the hatch closing in, and the desk taking its former shape again.

Rukia could only blink at what had transpired, still sitting behind her transformable desk. "Well now. …That was interesting. …Does anybody wanna get back to the lesson now?" The class vigorously nodded "yes". "OK then… has anyone seen my brother?" The class shook their head "no". "OK then…"

* * *

After a few minutes of hyping herself back up, the class readying up for... class, Rukia was finally ready to teach again! Still no sign of Byakuya, though.

"Now, class, can anyone tell me an easy mistake that many people make when first creating an original character?"

"Ooh, me! Me!" the Rukia fangirl wanted to be called on again.

"Uhhh, let's give someone else a chance. You! _Ugh, I really need to learn everyone's names…_" Rukia gave herself a hard time over not getting to know her students better. Although in this case, it's probably for the best.

Her fan crossed her arms and pouted, while a tall, serious-looking, young adult stood up when Rukia called on him. "Hmm, is it that people give them names before anything?"

Rukia let out a smile, "That's correct!" She began writing and drawing something on the chalkboard, "The first thing you should consider for an original character is who they are, their personality! When you get a clear idea on who you want in your story, then you can name them appropriately."

*Clack!* She put the finishing touches on the chalkboard, and the class was stunned. On the chalkboard was Rukia's unique take on the subject. "What we have here is a good example of a meaningful name!" She pointed to a teddy bear…lion… thing with an orange mane.

"Are you talking about Kon?" A curious student asked while raising his hand.

"Well, no, I was talking about Ichigo, but I can go into Kon for a bit." She drew an almost exact copy of her drawing for Ichigo, the image of…, "Kon takes his name from the term 'Kaizo **Kon**paku', or modified soul in English. Rather simple, but does get the job done."

"Oh, Rukia! Will your generosity know no bounds?"

A voice could be heard getting closer and closer. Eventually, you could see Kon's small, plush body was rocketing towards the direction of Rukia from outside.

"Here I come, my petite goddess!"

In the span of a second, Rukia spun around on one heel, and landed a roundhouse kick right in the Mod Soul's face, jettisoning him back from whence he came. She had been wearing her shihakusho, so he didn't get to peek on anything. She then walked over and closed the window, just to be safe.

"Sorry you had to see that. Want some bonus questions to make up for your missed assignment?"

The class jumped at the chance to make up what Byakuya had taken from them, with the majority of them yelling all sorts of approval at their teacher. Those that didn't still expressed their joy without yelling.

"All right then. Who here can tell me what Kon really wanted to be named? Anyone wanna venture a guess?" Rukia asked her students.

The Rukia fangirl was the first to raise her hand.

Rukia took a step back, "Okay, you can go again." she said, not up for what may be a crazy answer.

"You don't know my name? Oh, how sad…" the fan put on a wounded expression, then went back to normal with her answer "It's 'Kai', also after the term '**Kai**zo Konpaku'."

"That's…! That's right. Can you tell me where that name ended up?" asked Rukia, her worry lifting.

"Mm-hmm! The name 'Kai' would end up on a Mod Soul that took on the form of Rin Tsubokura of Squad 12, and brought about the plot of the second Nintendo DS game, Bleach: Dark Souls. Ichigo would give him the name at the end of the game's story." The fangirl finished, looking satisfied.

Rukia blanched at her fan's surprising amount of semi-obscure knowledge, despite herself. "You are correct! Good job there, um…"

The breakout character got up off her seat and walked over to her teacher, nice and slow. Rukia's sense of accomplishment had quickly gone away, making room for dread again.

Her assertive fan sensually traced a finger on Rukia's left shoulder, whispering loudly in her ear, "Would you like to know my name, Rukia-sensei? I'll tell you. Ask me, and I'll do _anything _for you~." She walked around behind Rukia, keeping her hands to herself, while the Soul Reaper nervously stood there.

The class was fixated on what was going on, some people confused, some were scared, others were interested, in a manner of speaking. The fan spoke in Rukia's other ear, "My name… is—"

***RING-ING-ING-ING-ING-ING-ING!***

Rukia took a huge step back toward the door, able to breathe again, "All right! That's the lunch bell! After the break period, report back to the classroom for the remainder of class!" Rukia opened the door, making sure she had a clear shot out of there, "I'll rescind my b-brother's input, and instead a-award all of you with extra credit! You should r-really thank—!" She briefly looked at her admirer.

"Ren. Ren Yukimura." The newly-christened fangirl gladly stated.

"R-Right! Thank Ren, everybody! I'll just be out…"

As the class cheered for Ren saving the day and their grades, Rukia beat feet to the faculty breakroom. Her day has only begun.

* * *

**A/N: (Edited 9/29/13) Over the course of a few days, I felt as if I let everyone down, when Sariniste left me a review saying that she was confused about the fic. It had to do with the inspiration behind Nemu's lecture about incest and its prevalent shipping, a video that had nothing to do with Bleach or incest, whatsoever.**

**It was Best Friends Beat 'Em Ups - Alien vs Predator, a video in which a couple of hilarious goofballs play an arcade beat 'em up. One of the players is Rising Superstar Liam, an anime fanatic, and that fact is constantly brought up to rag on him. One thing they've taken to was using 'OreImo' for laughs, mainly putting things in the little sister's place in the phrase, 'My Little Sister Can't Possibly Be This Cute'.**

**At the 37:30-38:40 mark is where the inspiration lies, where Woolie asks Pat "why Japan's so obsessed with the childhood friend thing". They were also joking around with 'OreImo' prior to that, it's frickin' hilarious!**

**(Disclaimer: I am not the owner of, nor affiliated with the Best Friends channel and franchise. If you plan on watching their stuff, be advised that their language is _very_ adult, so you shouldn't see their videos if you're sensitive to harsh language, in many public places, or aren't mature enough to handle their conversations. Also, some of their video thumbnails will attract attention... yeah.)**

**They're very intelligent outside of games, but in the end, its first inclusion in this note brought confusion to a few readers, so I removed it at first. Perhaps I let my fanboying get to the point where I didn't explain enough, but I'm explaining it now, so I can move past that bit.**

**Sari and I _did_ make up. I admitted my mistake, and she felt very bad about it, but rest assured, we're cool. I really appreciate her input, as well as her internet friendship. *bows in respect* Thank you.**

**So, I introduced an OC… Yay! **_**Oh god, what have I done?**_

**(Disclaimer: Ren Yukimura is an Original Character. She was not made to resemble, or recreate any persons, living, dead, or fictional. Any and all resemblances to existing persons are purely coincidental, and her opinions do not reflect my opinion on any persons or parties.)**

******Also, hindsight! I thought I did a good job of naming her something unique, but re-watching Rooster Teeth's RWBY made me realize that I may have subconsciously lifted part of Lie Ren's name for my own use! It's not the end of the world, though. The name 'Ren' is used in quite a few things, such as Ren of Ren & Stimpy, or Byakuren Hijiri of Touhou Project. So I feel a little relieved...**

******Wait, 'Ren' is also used in Renji's first name? Eh, I'm not worried about that, he has nothing to do with this OC.**

**Yeah, let me know how you feel about her! She **_**sure**_** took a shine to Rukia, eh?**

**(Disclaimer again: Don't do what she does: flirting with somebody who doesn't reciprocate. Only do so with an established significant other. Don't do it with a teacher! Nothing good comes out of that in real life. Leave everything to fiction and fiction only!)**

**Dammit! Enough with the disclaimers!**

**As some of you may know, over the course of the Bleach dub's airing, some voice actors have either been temporarily filled in for, or replaced. In Kenpachi's case, David Lodge had quit the show, and was replaced by Patrick Seitz, who despite being involved in voicework for some time beforehand, became popular with his work as Ragna the Bloodedge, from the BlazBlue series. He also plays Isshin Kurosaki and Sentaro Kotsubaki, among others in Bleach. People fret over this stuff, but it's important to remember that Bleach is a long-running series. It shouldn't be expected that people can stick with voicing a show that would run over half a decade long, for whatever reason.**

* * *

**Ending Credits**

**misscam****: also known as ****Camilla ****Sandman, for the original idea of "Official Fanfiction University".**

**Important Note: I should explain something. You don't have to ask her for permission to do your own OFU, all you have to do is credit her. That said; I never had an interest in what the original source material covered, The Lord of the Rings. I had a hard time figuring it out. This is why my OFU may as well be in name only; credit will still be given to her for the idea.**

**Sariniste****: for inspiring me to start up this fic, and being a great person, author, and reviewer! Edit 9/26/13: And for telling me of the problems that this chapter has made. Thanks again!**

**Two Best Friends Play: I love these guys! The moment they talked about the 'sister' stuff in the video above, I lost it! My sides were hurting! They get credit for inspiring this chapter, and its contents, even if the reference was only about a minute long… They share this credit with…**

**Ore No Imouto Ga Konna Ni Kawaii Wake Ga Nai****: also known as "****There's No Way My Little Sister Can Be This Cute!****" or some other permutation of its name. This gets credit for being mentioned above, in the now edited-out reference video, and being used for this chapter's content.**

**(Disclaimer: I do not own 'OreImo' … dammit! Seriously, I don't own anything here, except my Original Character and this story!)**

**Also, shout-outs to The Ren & Stimpy Show, Monty Oum's RWBY, and Touhou 12: Undefined Fantastic Object.**

* * *

**It goes without saying we're heading to the break room, next! Let's take a peek into the lives of those who crowd around the vending machine! The next two chapters after that will return to our Part Ones: Male Bonding 101, and this chapter, Creativity in Fanfiction 101!**

**Please Read & Review! See you at lunch!**


	4. Lunch Break, Breaking Sanity

**Author's Note: Hello again! This one was quick to get out there! Here's the fourth installment of **_**OFU Bleach: One-Shot Edition**_**! (Wait; are these even one-shots anymore? I seem to be following my own continuity now! Huh.)**

**Credit goes to ****misscam****, aka Camilla Sandman, for the original idea and franchise, Official Fanfiction University. Please credit her if you plan to do your own OFU.**

**Credit also goes to ****Sariniste****. She gave me the push to start this up. She is also the author of one of my favorite stories, **_**Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors**_**. She also gave me a shout-out in Chapter 59: The **_**Inspiration is the Sincerest Form of Flattery Award!**_** I'm honored, really I am. I promise to live up to everyone's expectations!**

**Rated T, for strong language, suggestive themes, and being slightly more serious.**

**Disclaimer: With the exception of an Original Character, I do not claim ownership of Bleach or anything referenced. Bleach is the property of Tite Kubo.**

**Please Read & Review! Read & Review! Takes a few minutes! Thank you!**

* * *

Chapter 4: Lunch Break, Breaking Sanity

The lunch bell had rung. No one could deny that they were definitely starving, after spending so much energy squeeing and trying to get their favorite Bleach characters to notice them. There had been many mishaps this day of classes, and the staff couldn't wait to get away from it all and tell their stories. Of course, there were many stories to tell…

"…That happened the moment you walked in, Hisagi?" A group of five Lieutenants were sitting together at a table in the faculty break room. It's a pretty big room: a table, a kitchen area, vending machines, a couch, and a TV! Not that one can rest when you're eating lunch. It also has to do with the fact that most Soul Reapers don't know how to operate many modern-day things.

The Sixth's Renji Abarai was listening intently to fellow Lieutenant, the Ninth's Shuhei Hisagi, recount his experience the other day.

"…Yeah." Shuhei nodded, "I don't even know why it happened. I don't remember anything from the moment I walked in the door."

Renji was about to dig into his food, when something came to mind, "Wait, you weren't supposed to be giving anybody the Exam. What were you even doing there, anyway?"

Shuhei rubbed the back of his head, "I… don't know. Apparently, I was cussing up a storm, but it's all a blur."

On the other side of the table, Rangiku Matsumoto was whistling conspicuously to herself.

However, Nemu Kurotsuchi saw fit to explain the hole in his memory. "The Captain and I were monitoring the scheduled administration of the Official Fanfiction University of Bleach Aptitude and Placement Exam, when we noticed the absence of one of the faculty from their assigned classroom."

The table quieted down, but not so much as to hear one of their own shaking in her sandals. "Twelfth Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto had abandoned her duty to—MMPH!"

The busty lieutenant quickly placed a silencing hand over Nemu's mouth. "Ahahahaha! I'm sure everyone doesn't want to hear the boring stuff! Come on, guys, we just need to forget all our troubles, and look to the future!" Rangiku tried to redirect the heat coming from the stares of her compatriots.

Shuhei immediately turned to her direction, a twitch in his eye as the hole in his memory quickly patched itself up. "Well. Why do I keep doing this to myself?"

Rangiku shrugged, while Renji decided to joke around. "Yeah, you're such a softie, Hisagi! How about you play us another one of your guitar solos, eh?" He gave off a cocky smile at the moping Shuhei.

Shuhei slumped in his seat, looking very sullen. "I could…" He held up a guitar that was broken in three loosely-held pieces, "…but one of my students practiced a 'concert finale' while I watched..."

At that mention, the Lieutenants winced, with the exception of Nemu, who just sort of sat there.

The shortest of the group cleared her throat to get their attention. "I don't want to upstage anyone, but what happened to me today was pretty bad, too…" Fifth Lieutenant Momo Hinamori trailed off.

The group had a concerned look on their faces, with the exception of Nemu, who _did_ look at her, but was casually eating her nutrient paste lunch. Yech!

"Well, what happened, Momo?" Rangiku said to her young friend.

Momo exhaled a bit, before looking off to the side at the wall. "I was walking through the hallways, carrying a stack of paperwork to the faculty office, when I heard a group of students talking amongst themselves…"

* * *

Momo was carefully walking with a tall stack of paper, when she noticed a group of four students in the way. Not wanting to disturb them, she starts to turn around, when one of them speaks out loud.

"Man, screw Hinamori!"

She froze in her tracks at the remark thrown at her, the students yet to notice her from behind her papers.

"Why is she even _in_ Bleach, anyway? All she does is mope about Aizen, and not contribute to the story!" It was unclear which of them had slung those insults, but the way they were looking indicated that it was a tall girl who had done so.

Momo was shocked, trembling in place at the undeserved comment that the student had said. '_But, I haven't been like that in a while! My friends helped me get past that. She must be mistaken!'_ thought Momo, unsure as to whether or not she should say something.

A stout lad in suspenders then spoke up, "Now, that's not fair. What she should have done was to join Aizen, and be a part of something cool! Not like those dumb, boring Shinigami!"

'_That… That doesn't make any sense! It may have taken me some time to stand up and fight against him, but I would never turn against my friends like that!'_ Momo was starting to tear up, getting confused as to why these strangers would say such horrible things.

The tall girl scoffed at the last comment, "And get in the way of Gin and Aizen's pure love? Get real!"

A shorter girl in a T-shirt, with a poorly ironed-on, poorly traced image of two people in the middle of a pink heart, was furious. "If she didn't, she would stop Toshiro from meeting Karin, the love of his life!"

Momo still stood silently, taking in their words a little carefully. _'A-A-Aizen and Ichimaru? What is this all about, anyway? Wait, who is Karin, again? I don't know… this is just crazy! I would support whomever he would find an interest in! Why are they worried about __**me**__?' _She thought, not quite connecting the dots.

"No, no! He needs to get with that babe of a vice-captain of his! Man, she's so hot!" The stout one said, his breathing getting shorter at the thought of the busty Lieutenant.

The T-shirt girl turned to face him, all red-faced, "Ew! The two of them hooking up is gross! She has to be many times his age! Also, she drinks. Who knows where she ends up, all drunk?"

Momo was starting to think a little clearer when they insulted her good friend. _'Wait, now they're going after Rangiku, too? Just who are they, to be thinking like that? Is this over Toshiro? Is this over __**me**__? Maybe… Maybe they should…'_

*Ph-oom!*

She had failed to notice her stack of paper had spilled onto the floor. This caught the attention of the students.

"Hey! What are you doing here? Can't you see we're busy?" The tall girl said.

Momo stood there, her right eye rapidly flickering in place, as the group made their way up to her.

"She, she must be an intern, it's no big deal!" The T-shirt girl said, while the stout guy looked like he was thinking that as well.

Momo blinked a few times at them, as she got to thinking, _'It looks like they don't recognize me. Maybe they're used to seeing me in my hair bun?'_ It's true; Momo took to wearing her time-skip look, with a bob haircut, and a cute hairpin. _'I wonder if I can…'_ She managed to put on a sweet-looking smile at them, "Oh! I'm sorry! I was just thinking, w-why do you think of Momo Hinamori like that? Surely she didn't do any of you wrong!"

The students looked incensed at Momo's words.

"What are you talking about? She's taking Toshiro from Karin as we speak!"

"Her character is unnecessary, and is only there for stirring up drama!"

"She's only standing in the way of my Aizen**x**Gin OTP!" The three had said at once.

Momo kept up her smile and nodded, "I see."

The tall girl raised an eyebrow at her, "What's it to you? You gonna snitch on us?"

Momo shook her head 'no', and took a step back. "No. I just wanted to see if you _did_ mean what you've said about me."

The three students took a second to process that, before the stout guy figured it out, "Wait a minute! You're…!"

"_Snap_, Tobiume!"

With one swing of her sword, Momo released her zanpakuto, its fireballs creating an explosion behind her as she swung it back. She looked at the group with a shadow cast above her eyes, her eye twitching openly, and a dark smile on her face. "I would have let it slide if your words only hurt me…" She began walking toward them slowly, maintaining her dark expression, "…but then you went and talked about other people who don't deserve your words. You were talking bad about my _friends!_"

The mean group suddenly realized how deep in trouble they were, having angered one of the sweetest, non-confrontational people in Bleach. "_AAAAAaaaahhh!_" The suspendered student let out a high-pitched scream, tears and snot running down his face. They were slowly stepping back through the hall, as Hinamori continued to menacingly walk towards them.

"W-w-wait! Are you _serious_?! You were h-here all along?" "I… I'm not scared of… you! You'll run off crying to someone sooner or later…" The T-shirt girl was still expressing bewilderment at Momo being there, while the tall girl tried to be tough and play it off.

The Lieutenant then lightly planted Tobiume into the floor, leaning into it looking innocent. "Hmmmm, nope!" She removed her sword, and resumed her slow walk towards the students, looking as predatory as she's ever been.

The tough girl's façade quickly broke down. '_This wasn't supposed to happen, just what is going on?!' _She had thought, her and her group stepping backwards in tandem with Momo's steps forward. "You _can't_ _be serous! _You can't use your sword against us students! I'm sure there's a rule for that!" she said, her compatriots nodding furiously with her assessment.

"You're right." With those words, Momo's smile grew wider, "But I don't need her to teach you a lesson in showing some respect." She then brings her zanpakuto up to her midsection and goes into a stance, in which her feet are spread apart and Tobiume was pointing diagonally up and to the side, with her remaining palm laid against the flat side of the pronged blade. "Even if you dislike someone, you shouldn't throw words around and think that you won't get called out for your misgivings." Flames started flickering into view in front of her, "You're not the only one who has an opinion! Correct or incorrect, _yours_ is not the only one that matters!" The flames intensified with Momo's declaration, her expression no longer looking crazed, but resolute, the students tripping over themselves and panicking at the prospect of not being able to escape.

As she was about to perform her offensive kido, Momo's facial expression suddenly took a playful turn, her eyes closed in amusement, and a sweet smile adorning her face as she pointed her spell a little downward.

"Hado, Number 33, _Pale Fire Crash_!" Small jets of fire shot forth from her person, detonating when they either hit a surface, or just short of the students.

"**Nng-YAAAAAHHHH!**" The students screamed out as the kido went off harmlessly around them. They quickly took to their feet and hightailed it out of there, away from the "bloodthirsty little girl".

* * *

"…And so, that's what happened!"

Her tablemates were stunned. They were giving off astonished looks, frozen on their faces. Yes, even Nemu. Momo was a Lieutenant for a reason, but never had they heard of her going off on someone like that.

Silence reigned for a few minutes.

…

"P-please don't look at me like that…"

As Momo was shirking away from their amazed looks, the Lieutenants then all gave a good cheer to their comrade.

"Yeah! That's my Hinamori for ya, finally getting vicious to those who dare to oppose her!" Rangiku said, giving Momo a big ol' hug.

"P-please, Rangiku, you're hurting me…!" Momo said as she was getting crushed in her friend's vice-grip of a hug.

Renji placed a hand on Momo's shoulder, "That's what I'm talking about, Hinamori! You can't just let these idiots tell you what you can do! We're teaching _them_ for a reason!" he said with a toothy grin, and flashing a thumbs-up.

Shuhei was more composed as he sat there with his arms crossed, "You know, you could have gone a little easy on them. It's not like they *snrk* d-don't deserve it for what they've done, but…*snrkrkrkrk!*" he said, trying to keep from laughing at the whole thing.

"N-No! Please stop thinking like this! I don't want everyone to think I've gone mad!" Momo squeaked out from under Rangiku's neckline. The higher pitch only doubled the merriment everyone was displaying.

All this time, Nemu sat there with the same shocked expression from when Momo finished her story. She calmly got up out of her seat and walked over to where Rangiku was suffocating her friend. She then thrust her arms in between them, and pulled out a disoriented Momo form her confinement.

"H-Hey! I was hugging someone over here! What do… you… Huh?" Rangiku started to complain, but was quick to notice Nemu looking rather depressed. "What's wrong, Nemu?"

Everyone stopped and looked at the Twelfth Lieutenant, as she looked back to them and said, "I am very glad that someone like her can go above what is expected of her." A small smile then appeared on her face, "It brings me… a little hope that I can do the same for myself."

She goes back to her neutral expression, "I am often used as comic relief, or as proof to what many people call my Captain's actions as 'atrocities'. Even if they didn't, I suddenly lose what little character development I do have, for the sake of placing me in a romantic situation." Nemu places a hand over her heart. "I do not dismiss the possibility of experiencing such things in the future, maybe even gaining what many people call 'humanity', but none of that has happened, not yet."

"All that I can do is press forward, remaining my master's assistant until that time comes to an end."

The mood was considerably less mirthful, as the group of Lieutenants took in her words. Shuhei would speak up first, "Well, that is what 'fan fiction' means, right? Even if it has never happened, that doesn't stop anyone from thinking of what could, right?"

Rangiku nodded, "Yeah, it's not like it's a bad thing, either. Sometimes, people get carried away with their ideas, and lose sight of the characters they write."

Renji took to scratching his head and scowling. "Ugh, I have lost count of how many times these guys wrote and placed me in a bed with someone, and sometimes not even a bed! I swear I'm never really used for anything cool! That seems to be a thing too, me not really winning at anything. It's like I'm a loser, or something."

Everyone looked away from him when he said that. Momo was giggling under her breath. One could hear a cough coming from somewhere…

Renji was flush with anger, "Aw, to hell with all of you! I'll take on any of you to prove otherwise!"

They all looked back at him with a look that said "are you serious" written in plain sight.

"Dammit! I don't have to put up with this!" Renji then stood up and stormed off out of the break room.

Everyone just stood there for a second, before erupting into laughter. Yes, even Nemu.

"That was priceless! You should've seen the look on his face as he figured out his shtick!" Rangiku was clutching her stomach at the thought.

"Y-Yeah! I don't want to laugh at him for something like that, but I've gotta admit, that he really does speak a little too highly of himself, sometimes." Momo was covering her mouth, trying to suppress her own giggling.

Shuhei wiped a tear from his eyes, "Well, it's been fun, but I've got a crosswalk to be looking over. Later!" He walks out of the room, most likely aware that Rangiku would laugh even harder at his position in the University.

Nemu didn't laugh as hard as everyone else, but it was clear that for the first time in a while, she had enjoyed herself. "I must be going as well. Master Mayuri should be finished with reinforcing his brain from anything that the students may say. Good day." She bowed slightly, and exited the room.

"We might as well get going, too. There's no one fun in here left!" Rangiku said, pointing out that the room was unoccupied, except for them.

"Okay. Maybe we can meet up some of our other friends, talk about some more weird things that have happened?" Momo packed up her things, and joined Rangiku as she made her way to the door.

"Yeah, and maybe tell them that story about how you went _nuts_ at those students!" Rangiku said, smiling as Momo was fidgeting from having to hear that being spread throughout campus.

"NO, you can't! Everyone will think of me as some awkward berserker, if you tell them that!"

"Ha-HAH! What are you going to do about it, Little Momo?"

Momo would complain all the way until they found someone else to talk to.

* * *

As their voices faded out from earshot of the break room, someone would speak out to themselves.

"Glad to hear that my Lieutenant is back on her feet!"

The camera pans up to reveal a person lying down, _upside-down on the ceiling,_ in a casual posture, Shinji Hirako picking at his nose.

"She's starting to blossom and open up from her shell, taking a stand for what's right, and all that jazz."

He picked himself up and dropped to the floor, landing on the table. "Perfect 10, if I do say so."

He takes out a lunchbox with a picture of Don Kan'onji in his signature pose, and opens it up for his food.

"Man, those kids were a handful, but the way she handled them…" Shinji had a smile on his face, but a few prominent drops of sweat betrayed how he really felt, "I may have told her to go that way, where they always hang out, but damn, I didn't expect to have to clean up after her busting up the place."

He pulled out a phone with some earbuds attached, and put them in his ears. "She even walked away all proud. The nerve of her, bringing the paperwork all squeaky clean, and not giving a shit for what I ended up paying for…"

Yup. It's all going well for every—

*SLAM!* The door opened to reveal a flustered Rukia Kuchiki, still recovering from what happened last chapter. Shinji just stares at her from his lunch, unsure of what to say.

"…Where is everyone?" The Lieutenants left not even a short time ago.

Rukia then stared back at Shinji, "…You'll do." She ran up and took a seat next to the reinstated Captain, and began recounting her day, "So there I was, my brother was sitting in, when all of a sudden…"

'_There goes my peace and quiet…'_ He thought as Rukia was running her mouth for what seemed like hours on end.

"…this girl actually _came on to me_, and…!" Not even that little tidbit could save Shinji from his doom now.

* * *

**A/N:**** I have returned with stuff to say!**

**So, Renji's battle performance was always a little lacking, despite being brought up as a tough adversary for when Ichigo would have to fight him. However, ever since Byakuya stepped in and finished the job when Ichigo still stood against Renji while they were taking Rukia, Renji never really won many fights after that.**

**He's usually the guy that gets taken out of the fight first, along with Chad, ESPECIALLY with Chad. Thus, many call him a jobber. (My word processor actually recognizes the word! See if yours does too!) Has he even beaten a **_**filler villain**_**? As far as I know, it would take until the Lost Agent arc, where he would soundly defeat Jackie Tristan, for him to legitimately win a fight.**

**Yes, I know that when Renji fought against his Captain with a fresh-out-the-box Bankai, it doomed him to be weaker than he should be with it breaking, but still…**

**But yeah, this also brings up a point that will crop up from time to time: I don't actually have many experiences with the Bleach manga or anime!**

**Yeah… Anyone who read my reviews left at Sariniste's **_**Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors**_** can probably pick out my inconsistencies and errors with ease. The reason being, is that I got into Bleach with the games, the first being The Blade of Fate for the Nintendo DS. It was how I learned of the series: it had a good review in Nintendo Power, and I picked it up and really enjoyed it. It covered the Soul Society arc, and I got super surprised when Aizen was revealed to be the bad guy in the end.**

**I would eventually pick up the other two DS games that made it here, Dark Souls and The 3****rd**** Phantom, as well as the Wii game, Shattered Blade. (Yes, the second DS game was named Dark Souls, before the one that everyone talks about.)**

**So, the manga… I only own the first two databooks: Souls and Unmasked. The anime… I saw scattered episodes, including some of the beginning, the Hueco Mundo Espada fights, the somewhat-climactic fight between Ichigo and Ulquiorra, and the end of the Deicide Arc, starting around the point that Gin bites the big one. Oh, and the Beach Episode. Yeah…! OH! I also saw the fourth movie, The Hell Verse.**

**Impressed? Yeah, neither am I. I never had the time to follow Bleach when it was first airing on [Adult Swim]. It's probably not difficult to find everything I've missed, but I can't afford much in my life right now. I've learned everything else I know from TVTropes and other research on the internet. Feel free to ask what's wrong with me.**

**Hey! Can you tell that Momo is one of my favorite characters? Ever since she got shafted by her beloved Captain Aizen, I felt really bad for her. It may have also had to do with the fact that I used to wreck house with her in the DS games, but my point still stands. The moment I saw her appearing to save the day in the Fake Karakura Arc, I was excited to see her finally kick some ass, but I knew it wasn't meant to be, since she was up against Ayon. (Allon? I speak Spanish, and I find its use in this series to be **_**very**_** weird and gratuitous, goddammit!) What happened afterwards was just kicking her when she was down. I never saw any of the Zanpakuto Rebellion filler arc, so the jury's out on an opinion. Only time will tell if she will pull through the final battle all right…**

**So this Author's Note was super long! I'm starting to think that I should change this from Parody to something else, as I do want to flesh out this setting. …Nah. I'm still going to lampoon many things about the Bleach fanfic world, so it's still fitting.**

**Also, does anyone know why the first two DS games and Shattered Blade had the English VAs voice the translations for certain terms? Didn't they stick with Romanized Japanese for everything that mattered in the anime? Examples given: people saying things like "Pale Fire Crash" and "Black Coffin", when later installments would have them say "Sokatsui" and "Kurohitsugi", respectively. Rukia is especially guilty of this, because she says all that stuff, as well as the translation of her **_**zanpakuto**_**, with her SuperC attack in the **_**second**_** DS game: "Dance, Sleeve of White Snow!"**

* * *

**Ending Credits**

**misscam:**** aka Camilla Sandman, for the original idea and franchise of "Official Fanfiction University" Remember to credit her if you plan to do your own OFU!**

**Sariniste:**** for being a cool gal, author of one of my favorite fics, inspiring me to start this fic, and being a constant reviewer! This is for you, Sari!**

**Anyone else? I guess not…**

* * *

**Next time, we'll check back in on Creativity in Fanfiction 101, as Rukia returns to the classroom. I didn't go into the student's lunch yet, but no doubt I'll get to it eventually.**

**I'll leave you with this piece of advice. Remember, no character should be defined by who they're paired up with; it's all about who they are.**

**Please leave a Review. Review. REVIEW! Many people are reading this fic, but only FOUR reviews! (Again, thank you for believing in me, Sari! As well as Tsumi Tsukiko for being the first!) Did I mention that you should review?**

**See you next period!**


	5. Interlude, How Rukia Got Her Groove Back

**Author's Note****: Hey there. What's up? That's great! What about me? Nothin' doin'. Life's going great, I feel tippy-top, and I just ate my fill of dinner! Time for a new chapter of Official Fanfiction University of Bleach: One-Shot Edition!**

**OH! Title change! People need to know what this fic is at a glance, although things might end up changing in the future… That's a good thing, by the way. Also, I'm trying to think of a suitable title to put in front of my OFUB. 'One-Shot Edition' just doesn't cut it anymore.**

**Original Credit goes to ****misscam****, aka Camilla Sandman, for the basis and original concept for "Official Fanfiction University". Please credit her if you plan on doing your own OFU.**

**Inspiration Credit goes to ****Sariniste****, aka Sari, for doing her version first in the hit fic, **_**Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors**_**, and giving me the push to do my own after I submitted my idea for hers, which is **_**this fic's Chapter 1**_**. She is also a great reviewer and internet pal, I can't thank her enough!**

**Also, to the Guest reviewer for Chapter 4: YO! You gotta make a profile on FFnet for me to PM you! I accept Anonymous reviews all right, but they don't allow authors to speak to you. What confused you and then straightened out? Oh, but don't worry, Squad Eleven characters will appear soon enough. I promise you next chapter, I'll do it!**

**So hey, this is a slight interlude before heading back to class. Also, Major OC Alert! No, really. I wanted to flesh out a choice selection of students' lives in this University. You may like it… You may not…**

**This fic is starting to get more story-driven, as well. Let's see where this goes.**

**Rated T for strong language, suggestive themes, and all sorts of things! Maybe.**

**Original Post Date: 10/13/13**

* * *

Chapter 5: An Interlude from Studies, How Rukia Got Her Groove Back

Shinji Hirako had been through his personal lunchtime hell. Just when he thought he found a peaceful place to just lay back and listen to some tunes with lunch, Rukia Kuchiki barges in and just _spouts_ into a long speech involving her first class.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

Shinji had taken to plugging in his earbuds and listening to sick saxophone beats at _full blast_ just so he can escape from his meal misfortune. However, he can still hear Rukia just fine.

"Damn it, why can't I just tune you out like I do Hiyori? You're not as screechy or as physical to me, and I can _still _hear you through my music! I just wanna eat in peace!" exclaimed the Fifth Captain.

Rukia took to crossing her arms in insult, "Hmph, I can't believe how many idiots I have to deal with in my life. You're so much like Ichigo, it hurts, er… Captain Hirako." Rukia calmed down, and assured herself she wouldn't go off on someone who was made into a Captain again in recent years. "In any case, isn't it rude to not listen when someone is speaking to you, Captain?"

Shinji was pocketing his tunes and just shrugged, "Listen, I had to fight and struggle to secure a quiet spot around here, where the students won't mob my handsome self while I was vulnerable! Aren't I in the right for wanting some peace and quiet?"

The Thirteenth Lieutenant just looked at him a little funny, "But…, no one has mobbed you yet. I'm guessing that no one finds you as handsome as you say, Captain."

"WHAT?! Of course I'm handsome!" Shinji took offense to that remark, "What were my first and only loves thinking, when they decided to mob _way_ past me to where Toshiro just stepped out a door?!" Shinji then stomped his foot into the ground a few times. "After they were pried off of the little guy, I was there, ready and waiting for them to notice me, when _Aizen_ was being wheeled off by them to who-knows-where?!"

"…Uhhh…" Rukia could only wonder what Shinji's priorities in life were.

He then stopped his assault on the floor, a smirk making itself clear on his face, "At least they left a few shiners on him during that carnage. Oh man, I'm glad to have seen that!" Shinji then took his lunchbox and slung it over his shoulder. "Well, it's been fun, Lieutenant Kuchiki! Catch you on the flipside."

Just as he was casually making for the door, Rukia immediately picked up what was going on, "Hey, wait a minute!"

Shinji hurriedly reached for the doorknob to his escape route, only to misjudge where he was reaching for, and ended up smacking the back of his hand on it. "OW! Sonuva— _ERK_!" Rukia had planted her heel in a _very_ sharp upward angle up Shinji's backside. "_**AARGHK! MY ASS!**_" Before he could double over in pain, Rukia grabbed both of his shoulders, and was dragging him back to his seat.

He was thrown onto his seat, thankfully for him, in a way that doesn't aggravate the affected area, upside-down.

"Sorry, Captain, but this is for your own good! You should really listen in turn of being listened to!" Rukia scolded her superior, like the way one paper-trains their dog, except with less trees, and more bootings, and _definitely_ no dogs.

Shinji carefully righted himself back up, and gingerly sat down. "Ngh! Guess I can check off 'physical' in your comparison with Hiyori…" He slouched forward in his seat, "So, tell me your tales, O Wise One."

* * *

"…Sounds like you're still a bit of a newbie as a teacher, Rukia."

"Of course, this is only my first day on the job, and already I'm feeling the pressure!" Rukia exaggeratedly held her hands on her head, as if it were about to explode. "Augh, I don't even know if I can face them again…"

Shinji was casually picking his ear, the picture of professionalism.

"WILL YOU STOP THAT?!"

"No."

Without missing a beat, he picks up a napkin and cleans off the finger he used to dig.

Rukia was very frustrated. Her superior was acting _very_ unlike the usual Captain. Maybe. It was still annoying. "W-Whatever, can we get back to my many problems, please Captain?"

"Suit yourself!" Hirako was grinning widely, as if he did nothing wrong. "Now, as far as I remember, didn't you attend high school for some time, Rukia?"

Rukia nodded, "Yeah, I did." She smiled fondly, "Karakura High was where I spent much of my time in the World of the Living, the beginning of my adventures with Ichigo and the rest of our friends. I had a lot o—"

"Hey, I didn't ask for your life story, just tell me how the students there were! …I'm sorry, just don't list everything off." Shinji hurriedly apologized, only raising his voice because he couldn't eat in peace.

Rukia blushed in embarrassment, "Err… I'm sorry, Captain! Umm…" She cleared her throat, "The students were a colorful bunch. You know of my friends, right? I remember Keigo being very excitable. Tatsuki was a straightforward young lady, Chizuru…" she paled when she mentioned the last Karakura student. It dawned on Rukia that Chizuru's mannerisms and preferences resembled those of one of her students, one of the driving causes of her distressing over her class.

Chizuru Honsho was an openly affectionate lesbian student who was fixated on Orihime Inoue, but also showed appreciation for other girls, as well. There was that one time in which Chizuru commented on Rukia's _breasts_ being 'peaceful and adorable', and Rukia played it off as a compliment, though she knew better. And now, a student of hers has admitted what is clearly a fixated, if not, passionate attraction to her, and she has no clue how to deal with it!

"You still there?"

Rukia was startled, Shinji having brought her back to reality. He then put himself in deep thought for all of a few seconds. "By the looks of it, you never really got too close to any of them…"

Rukia's eyes narrowed at that statement. "Th-that's not true! I'm very close friends with…!"

"Still talking…" Shinji stretched his arms out in front of him, having sat in the chair for longer than he would've liked. "Perhaps I generalized a little too broadly, I'm not talking about your close-knit group of friends, or nakama, if you prefer. I'm talking about semi-regular teenagers and other folks, like those Karakura students. 'Scuse me."

He got up off the chair and started walking slowly toward the back wall.

"No one but the closest of people knows of what happens to another behind closed doors. Hell, it's very possible that one may never know everything about them." Shinji raised his scabbard, his sword still sheathed as he walked. "People can develop certain tastes, especially if it involves something they like. Ideas. Kinks. Fetishes. Obsessions. There are many things that the norms of society may deem as deviant." He then stopped in place and placed a hand over his forehead, "They look all nice and inviting at first, but one look at their computer's screen saver and browser history, and WHAM! I'm never picking anyone up from that town ever again…"

"…Umm, what?"

"Ididn'tsayanything!" Shinji almost let slip of something very embarrassing that had happened to him.

Shinji Hirako was and is a Captain for a reason, but that statement could also go either way. I mean, come on, it's the _Soul Society_. About every named person has some sort of quirk to them, and that's a _lot of people!_

The leader of the Visored was quick to steer the conversation away from him. "A-Anyways, here our students are free from many rules they would live under." He raised his sheathed zanpakuto in the air and noiselessly voiced a command to it. Rukia was paying attention to what he was doing. He then planted a foot onto the wall, leaned into it, and proceeded to walk up the wall. He hoped the symbolism of this act, along with what he had to say next, would ease Rukia's mind.

Shinji raised an eyebrow for a split second in thought, '_You know, did they ever specify whether I was standing like this under my own power, or Sakanade's?'_ He craned his neck to look at Rukia. "It's no surprise that you aren't used to them acting out like they've been doing. We're _fictional_ to them, and they're just _excited _to see us! Hehehe" He smiled his trademark grin at her.

Whatever sense of wonder Rukia might have had was gone with that one sentence. She looked at him flatly, and said with a dull tone, "Captain Hirako, no flirting with the students."

Shinji lost his footing, and ended up face-faulting onto the floor. "You can't tell me what to do! After all, you're not _my _Lieutenant!" He picked himself up and dusted off his shoulders, "In any case, what about you, Rukia? You've got someone in waiting already! She's just begging to see you for a _study session_!"

Rukia's eyes bulged at the Visored's accurate observation. "H-HOW DO YOU KNOW OF THAT?! I just left from there, it should be impossible...!"

Shinji was holding up a manila folder with the identity of Rukia's admirer on it. "It is a Captain's duty to look out for everyone, even if they aren't working under them." He took out a pair of… sunglasses from his pocket, and put them on as he opened the folder. Rukia would look on with an even paler face of distress, if it weren't for how ridiculous her superior looked.

"Hmm, let's see here, Ren Yukimura, age 18, female, measurements… that's personal, high school senior, B average, hails from… that's personal. Likes: gymnastics, Rukia, studying, Rukia. Eh, 6/10. Appearance: See Chapter 3 for more. …What?"

Both Shinji and Rukia shared a puzzled look, unable to figure out what was painfully a plug to read more chapters of this story.

"Err, moving on. Her favorite ways to pass the time are reading Bleach, watching cat videos, _and Rukia Kuchiki_ ! Jeez, with a list like that, she would have been sent under with all the other crazies!"

Rukia stiffened at the mention of 'underground'. The basement levels were a horrible thing she did not want to roam near, and even if her admirer did creep her out, she wouldn't wish that fate on anybody. Well, most anybody.

Shinji had stashed away his shades, "By the looks of things, she just barely made it to normal classes with her good grades. Almost a shame, she seems too nice for that madhouse." He had a somber look for all of a second. "All right then, moving along, her dream after attending this fabled University is to get together with Ru—"

"STOP!"

Rukia was quaking in her sandals. She didn't look all that pleased with what Shinji decided to read out loud.

"I m-may not know how to deal with the girl, b-but I assure you, I will deal with this issue in a calm, respectable manner." She then reached out for the folder somewhat impetuously, and Shinji obliged with it. She then thumbed through the folder with the speed of a Flash Step.

"Now remember, Rukia, you can't fault her for what she likes, or rather, for _whom_ she likes, haha." Shinji guffawed while Rukia shot him a dirty look. "It's important to be tolerant to everyone, even if they like something that another may not. In Ren's case, you need to let her know how you feel about the situation."

Rukia looked down at her feet for a second. "*sigh* I know. I'll go and do that now. Thank you, Captain Hirako."

As she bowed to him, Shinji was scratching his head at the show of respect. "Eh, get out of here already! I've been itching to scarf down the rest of my lunch, since you took up all my time!"

"Oh! Right, thank you."

With that, Rukia made her way out of the faculty break room, Shinji hurriedly downing his food, which looked like a blur with how fast he's eating it.

"*Burp!* Ahh, that hit the spot! I wonder just how that squirt will do."

"HEY, IDIOT!"

Ah, there's no mistaking the familiar cacophony that is Hiyori Sarugaki's loud voice. Shinji looked at the window, and there she was, perched on the windowsill with an angry scowl and gum in her hair. One of those things happened recently.

"Oh hey, it's the other squirt in my life! Hey, Hiyori, what's u— *WUMPH!*" A sandal embedded itself into his face.

She wasn't looking too happy to see him. "You were supposed to help the rest of us take care of these little shi—aaaAAAAHH!"

"Miss Hiyori, Gavin took my harmonica from me!" A young girl had latched onto Hiyori's shoulders, threatening to take her down to ground level, even if the break room was on the first floor.

Almost immediately, a young teenage boy managed to grab onto Hiyori's midsection. "It's not my fault! That Mister Rose guy took my harmonica and told me my music was stupid! Miss Hiyori, can you get it back for me?"

The Visoreds were in charge of looking after some of the student's children and family when their loved ones were attending classes. In other words, they run the daycare. As you can imagine, things get interesting when they're around.

At this rate, the angry, teetering Visored will meet the dirt, unless if those damn kids get off of her.

"AAH! Stop yammering for one second and get the hell off me!" She struggled to remove her stowaways from her person. As you can tell, she's not very good with kids.

"Nnnooo! I want my harmonica! Make Gavin give it back to me!" The little girl then grabbed both of Hiyori's ears and pinched them.

"**YAAAAAAGH!**" It only took a second for her to fall, because the break room was on the first floor... *THOOM!* Surprisingly, the two kids were standing up just fine! HIyori was all crumpled by the wall.

"Haha! Miss Hiyori, you look what the birds leave on my front porch! Ahaha!" The boy was laughing at Hiyori's misfortune, and she was in no shape to tell him off.

"Eeeuuuuugh…"

Shinji carefully peeked out the window, wondering what became of his partner. "… Hey Hiyori, do you want some of my fried rice?"

*Whack!* the second sandal hit between his eyes.

"I take it that's a 'no' then?"

* * *

Back at CR-FF 101 (Creativity In Fanfiction 101), some of the students remained after the lunch bell had rung, content to eat there. Plenty of them were stalking the halls for a chance to get to know their favorite characters and fantasy crushes, but that's a story for another time.

A group was huddling around a student's desk, thanking and getting to know the one who saved their grades from Byakuya Kuchiki's need to be a wet blanket, and somehow ruffled Rukia's feathers as well.

"Hey, waytogo! You sure showed her what's what!" "My grades are safe! Now I can attend Respect for Superiors 101 with no worries!" "Girl, do you _seriously_ swing that way? I don't think Rukia was very comfortable with what you did…" "Nah, it's cool. This is the best way to coast through this damn school."

Ren Yukimura was shrinking under the attention her fellow classmates were giving her. "You guys… Please don't blow this all up…" During the first half of class, she paid attention well enough and answered things like a good student, but everything she did was clearly punctuated with a certain trait that _everyone_ now knows of: her admiration for Rukia Kuchiki. Her brazen teasing and flirting with the teacher had resulted in Rukia needing to cool down before resuming proper operation.

"Come on, everybody, please stop, I don't know what came over me, all right?" Ren took to shooing off the crowd, some of them flashing looks of surprise and annoyance as they left. Letting out a sigh, she removed the costume wig she had on of Rukia's first hairstyle, and ran a hand through her messy brown hair. "Oh man, what an embarrassing first impression… I can't_ believe _I would up and give myself over to her like that! Even if she is gorgeous…" She muttered to herself.

"Meh, I've seen worse first impressions."

Ren almost jumped out her seat. A voice from directly behind her scared her quite a bit.

"Whoa! Calm yourself, I'mma friendly, all right?" Ren turned around to see who was talking. What she saw was someone somewhat out of the ordinary. It was a tall blond guy with a thin build, wearing a buttoned-up red dress shirt and basic denim jeans. A very simplistic get-up, compared to a good deal of students' need to stand out with their appearances. He had a happy-go-lucky grin on his face. "Got your attention? OK. Now, all I'm sayin' is that your deal is among the least strange I've seen. Today."

Ren blinked a few times. "Um, who…?"

"Oh! Where are my manners?" The guy held a hand out in greetings, "The name's George Mathers. Nice to meet'cha!" George had an honest smile on his face.

"Er… Ren Yukimura. A pleasure." She returned the handshake with an air of unease. The handshake held firm for a second before George shook his arm with the same speed one would play maracas. "Ah, ah, AH! Ow, does this come in another speed or what?"

"Oh! Sorry about that, Miss Ren. I'm just a little excited about meeting a new friend!" His smile persisted.

Ren retracted her arm, and gave a puzzled look at George. "What do you mean by me being 'among the least strange', George?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I've seen stranger things happen in this school! Just this morning, I saw this one guy walk into Mister Urahara's class _naked!"_

Ren was flabbergasted, "Are you for real?! Why on earth would anyone ever do _that?_"

"Well, Miss Shihoin was sitting in his class, and I heard she tends to be naked at times. He may well have a few screws loose!" Ren stifled a laugh. George continued, "The teachers were having a good laugh, but it wasn't long before Miss Soi Fon came in and made a big deal of it. I don't know where he went after she took him away."

Ren had her arms propped up on the desk, her face buried in her hands as she tried hard to not lose it.

"I've also seen some blonde girl stalking some fella strapped with a bunch of belts! She was caressing him all funny-like, before getting bum-rushed by many of the Captains!" He said matter-of-factly.

Ren couldn't hold it in anymore. She slouched forward and covered her laughter with her arms. "Ah-hah-hahahaha! You seem _way_ too nice for this school." She calmed down and faced him, "What are you in for, George?"

He looked eager to answer her. "If memory serves me right, I'm here because I posted a story with some mistakes in it. When I first saw Ichi-guy talk to his _sword,_ I thought that it was pretty cool. Then I saw the Soul Society arc, and then there were _tons_ of guys with these swords! So, I wrote a story on what these spirits may look like!"

George's mood quickly deflated. "I didn't know Bleach had already done that…"

"Oh wow, how bad was it?"

"I thought that 'Sen-bone-sa-koorah' was a big ol' cherry tree. I also thought that 'Renjit' guy's sword was a monkey with a snake for a tail…"

"I think that last one is true, I think…"

Ren and George sat there in silence. A door could be heard creaking open, but no one paid it any mind.

"Well, about you, Miss Ren? Why are you in school?"

Ren shuffled in her seat and twiddled her fingers together, "Hmm, I… may have… made a self-insert in which it was me, instead of Ichigo, who would save Rukia from the judgment of the Soul Society. I wasn't ashamed of it, until the reviews came up very bad…" She sighed in regret, "I didn't even want to act all crazy like that around Rukia. I only got very excited because she was teaching me. Among other things…" She sighed dreamfully and drifted off into a daydream. One in which Rukia was handsomely dressed in a tuxedo, gracefully leading her in a dance on top of a lake that brought the two of them together. One that would culminate in one final show of affection, as their faces would draw ever closer under the veil of night…

George had been deep in thought as well. But instead of dreaming of a midnight rendezvous with his favorite Bleach character, he was basically not thinking of much. What did he want to eat for dinner? Should he put out the dog? Could he even put out the dog from his new living arrangements? What was his new friend's preference in socks? What was his new friend's favorite character? "…So you really like Miss Kuchiki, then?"

A vein was pulsing on her forehead, partly from being interrupted from envisioning the _good_ part, and from being asked the same thing she heard from the class moments after the lunch bell rung. "YES! For the hundredth time, YES! I _do_ have an attraction to her! It's more than because she's cute, no, it's because she's a very cool girl! She's so sweet, and kind, and beautiful… GAH!" Ren yelled and threw her arms out in frustration.

Everyone was staring at them, somewhat tired of hearing about her quirk. The door went slightly ajar, before receding back to where someone could eavesdrop a little more securely.

George didn't appear all that fazed by her words, although Ren was quick to apologize. "I-I'm sorry! It's just… everyone keeps saying things like that, and I'm not all that comfortable with everyone knowing it."

Once again, George had a smile on. "Well, you can't help who you like, Miss Ren. I mean, is it that big a deal?"

"No… but here, people don't exactly treat you kindly if you like somebody from Bleach. Not just Rukia, but most anybody. If anyone so much as _thinks_ you were talking to the staff, they zero in on you, and say hurtful things." Ren turned to the side and saw a bunch of students talking amongst themselves, looking at her in annoyance, before looking away when they were seen.

George's smile let up a little. "Well, yeah, but people don't know what they're talkin' about sometimes." George shifted back into his seat, "This one time, I told some fellas that I liked some of the fancy swords that these Reapers carry around. A few guys kept saying how I must _really_ want their swords in my face. I kept having to correct them, swords in the face hurt, but they kept at it." George then took to scratching his head. "The rest is a blank, but when I woke up, all those guys were all busted up around me. Looks like someone came to my aid, but they could have been a little less violent…"

Ren was speechless, George looked innocent enough, but that last account unnerved her really badly.

She wasn't the only one to hear it, along with most everything else. Everyone in class was staring at them. Ren slid down her seat and blushed in embarrassment. "Oh god, I'm sorry, everyone. You can get back to eating now…" The class slowly did. Ren cased the room to see if everyone went back to their own devices. When she looked to the front door, it had rapidly closed shut, as if on purpose. "Wait, was that…?"

Ren got up from her seat and quickly made for the door, assuming the worst. "OHNOOHNOOHNOOHNOOHNO!"

One turn of the doorknob later, the body of one Rukia Kuchiki fell backwards onto Ren's feet.

"Ow…! Um, hello! I was just… How's the weather up there? Ehehehe… eh…" Rukia sheepishly said, staring up at a furiously blushing Ren.

"A-ah-ah-ah…" Hearts appeared in Ren's eyes.

"Oh boy…!"

"_**RUKIA-SENSEEEI!~" **_

As Ren began to reach out for her beloved teacher, Rukia was too stunned to evade what was to come. All was lost.

* * *

**A/N:** ...And how Rukia lost her groove. Oh man! The Glomp, a psychologically devastating move known by many affectionate people and fans alike!

I'm starting to get into the swing of making Original Characters, but at the end of the day, I really should get back to writing about the Bleach characters everyone came here for. Maybe one day, I can write about these OCs getting involved in more stuff. Hint, hint.

I'm sure everyone is starting to get sick of this scenario involving Rukia's situation, so next chapter, I think I'll kick off a more exciting class! After all, my story started with a certain moment, and it shall return to it! (Also, because Sari's going to do it! I can't lose to her!) More Bleach goodness to come!

**Ending Credits**

**misscam****: (aka, Camilla Sandman)**The original author of 'The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth', and by extension, OFU as a franchise. Please credit her if you plan to do your own.

**Sariniste****: (aka, Sari) **The author of one of my favorite stories on this site, Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors. She is currently doing her own OFU of Bleach within that story, and is the inspiration for me doing my own.

Please read and review! See you next class!


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